i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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