tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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