just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
