Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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