i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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