My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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