I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
