I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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