just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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