hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
