So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
