It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm really into asian looking animals
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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