I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
