why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
