Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
