i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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