i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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