It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
