It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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