So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
