I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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