just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
