I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
