sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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