is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
