I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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