i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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