I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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