I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
