In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
