Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
