all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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