So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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