I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
