I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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