mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
