Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
