We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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