i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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