i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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