People in love make me want to vomit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
