I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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