saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
