can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
