I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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