I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
