Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So apparently I’m into choking now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
