God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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