Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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