i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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