Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
