im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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