You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How external is "for external use only"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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