Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
