i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
