so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
