yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
