at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't notice because vodka
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
