Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
