I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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