I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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