Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
