Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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