Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
