You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
