I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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