is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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