Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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