I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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