Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
