Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
