I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
